Posted: Thu May 01, 2014 1:22 pm Post subject: In Memory of Paul J Carter
On return from my holiday amongst a pile of mail I found a letter from the family of Paul J Carter containing a cheque made out to the PDF for Ł160. The letter went on to explain that Paul, a one time lorry driver had recently lost his 15 year battle against MS. His family believed that rather than have flowers at his funeral he'd much sooner do something to help other drivers, hence the donation to the PDF.
As you can imagine this donation has really struck at the heartstrings of the PDF trustees, leaving us all with a warm glow. We cannot thank Paul's family enough.
Paul was not a posting member of the PDF but he had a life long love of lorries. He drove for, amongst others, Chloanne in Ipswich and for a company transporting cattle through Brightlingsea. About 15 years ago he had an accident which left him completely paralysed and it was at this time he was also diagnosed with MS. But he fought back from all this and managed to live independently.
I did not know Paul but I'm sure that if we'd met, and who's to say we didn't, we would have sunk a few pints together up the road somewhere.
I think the best way to know Paul is to let his family have their say, so below with their permission is a copy of the eulogy which was read at his funeral.
From his son Ray; I never knew my dad before his illness but it seems to me as if the thing
that stayed with him, in illness and in health, was his ability to crash objects on four wheels
and his liking for “borrowing” salt shakers from various places. Unfortunately, he would
always” forget” to take them back. So the best memories of all were, that even though he
wasn’t very well, we still managed to get up to mischief and have fun together. (Ray)
From his daughter Charlene; I remember dad working on the ‘Vengabus’ for majorettes and
moaning when he could not get it right the first time round. But, like with anything, he kept
going. Then, at the majorette tournaments he would perform his “Big Spender” routine
which made us all smile because was exactly what he would NOT do – spend money –
certainly not for himself.
My recent memories of dad are of him coming to see me and telling me how much he
admired Jamie Lee. He saw her strength, determination and courage; yet he never saw his
own. Dad was a brave man.
From his daughter Leanne; Dad was an ornery, stubborn man who loved to groan…and we
loved him for it.
When I was young I would work with dad on the lorry, listen to Chubby Brown and pretend
Saturdays were the best days because when mum went to work we could have the music
blaring with dad.
When I was 15 I pushed him to the CO-OP and when we got to the till he got up of his
wheelchair to get his money. Everyone thought he had pulled ‘a fast one’. We laughed
about this for years.
After I leaned to drive we would go to the meat market and dad would let me drive to it
from the A12; but no further, No wonder; because once I managed to get lost in London
and dad had to come and rescue me all the way from Colchester.
Dad’s loved his grandchildren. He would feed them up with biscuits and take Lincoln on his
scooter for rides.
Dad never showed how he felt but you read it in his eyes just how much he loved us all.
From his sister Sarah; my most precious memory of Paul has always been the first day he
came to see our father. I can’t describe how special it felt to finally meet my big brother.
When he left he promised to come back and I remember sitting by the fence all day waiting
for him to return. He did not disappointment me – he came back later that afternoon. Paul
always made me feel special and I am proud to be his sister. He will be forever be a part of
From his sister Emma; my dear big brother helped me through bad times and laughed with
me through the good times. He will always be a big part of my life and I will cherish shared
memories forever. Now he is resting and can no longer feel pain. Paul will be sadly missed
forever; but he will forever live on in our hearts.
From his stepbrother Michael; Paul certainly never did ‘normal’ or ‘boring’. We shared
laughter and mischief; but trying to eat my hamster was a bit much – even for him. He lived
life as it came and squeezed in as much experience, joy and happiness as possible.
From his father Roger; we spend many hours doing DIY together because Paul hated doing
it. No one was ever quit safe when he had a hammer in his hands as he would sooner throw
it before he would use it to hammer in a nail. Obviously, even as he was working, Paul
would “borrow” as many cigarettes as possible while consuming gallons on teas - how the
work actually got done is anybody’s guess…
At other times I would watch him trying to ‘wind up’ his nearest and dearest. Paul truly
loved to see his friends and family bluster. But what I remember most is that he had a heart
From his stepmother Lis; I knew you for 24 years and most of that time you enjoyed getting
a rise out of me. Yet you never spoke even one word in anger. We both loved these times
and we loved it even more when Justin thought the disagreements were real. However,
what I cherished above all else was that you had made me part of your family. For this, your
generosity and your support I shall be forever grateful. My love goes with you and you will
be with us until we meet again.
From his friend Corinne; Paul and I had some fun times; we went to the woods in the
summer, watch DVDs
at night and laugh at silly jokes. He was understanding, good natured and honest. He was
my best friend and I will miss him more than words can say.
Stepsister Charlotta’s Poem
You would always made me smile,
By making me run a mile,
When chasing me with the hose,
It really got up my nose,
We were always joking around
and only laughter could be found.
Always, in our hearts, you'll be forever crowned.
Feel no guilt in laughter; he'd know how much you care
Feel no guilt in laughter; he'd know how much you care.
Feel no sorrow in a smile that he is not here to share.
You cannot grieve forever; he would not want you to.
He'd hope that you could carry on the way you always do.
So, talk about the good times and the way you showed you cared,
The days you spent together, all the happiness you shared.
Let memories surround you, a word someone may say
Will suddenly recapture a time, an hour, a day,
That brings him back as clearly as though he were still here,
And fills you with the feeling that he is always near.
For if you keep those moments, you will never be apart
And he will live forever locked safely within your heart.
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